today in black history

May 27, 2024

Cheyney University of Pennsylvania, founded by the Quakers, established in 1837, is the oldest historically Black college.

Your Team

POSTED: July 18, 2009, 12:21 pm

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There is not much you can accomplish alone. Or should I say, when you are up to major tasks or transformations in life, you are more likely to accomplish them with the support of people who love you, want the best for you, and are aligned with your intentions.

Let’s talk about friends for a moment. You know those people you naturally connect with. Your friends challenge you and tell you when to get off your high horse. I did not say “haters”, I said friends, speaking to you out of a loving spirit. Friends may envy your blessings, but they will not sabotage it. Friends recognize what is yours, congratulate you on achieving it, and will offer a helping hand towards more.

Your team challenges you. Your team keeps you honest. If you are up to claiming yourself as a master in your life, then you will surround yourself with like-minded people. You have no tolerance and room for anything else. Do you really have time for friends who are always late? Do you really have time for people who lie and are dishonest with themselves? Do you really have time for those who spin rumor and spew hate? You are trying to create a web of love in the world and you are chillin’ with the angriest brother you know? Why? Keep those negative connections short and to the point.

Let me add more to that. If you put a team in place, that you trust to hold you accountable, why is it when they “call you on it”, you kick, scream, scratch, and count them off the list? Why do you curse them out, walk out the room, screaming, “We are no longer friends!”? Consider, they may be wrong in their observation, but check yourself and ask if there is ANY truth in what they are saying?

Your husband, wife, or partner should be your biggest fan or coach. If not, get working on it! The person you sleep with and move through life with every day ought to be someone who can hold a mirror to you, so you can see yourself. That person tells you, you are beautiful, amazing, and the best thing that ever happened in their life. That person is willing to take you as you are. That person says, if this is your dream, I support it, just let me know how. This person says, "Allow me to give my two cents...", spoken out of love, wanting the best for you…no matter how difficult. You have to believe that this person means you no harm. If this is not true, I ask you why? If this is not true, make moves to make it a supportive partnership.

Team members aren’t always your family members. We are born into families, but oftentimes, they are not our biggest supporters. Can that change? Yes! But it makes no sense to live in a conversation called “This is my mother, I’m SUPPOSE to be close to her…”. Not if you are not your best self. Any relationship that does not allow you to be your best self, is recommended for the back burner until YOU learn how to be in the relationship in a different way

Don’t be afraid to hire a team. A therapist, mentor, expert, or life coach can provide great leadership and perspective. Someone who is objective and not part of your “story”. Someone who can tell you like it is.

If you have any questions or comments about creating your team of support, contact Sandra A. Daley at Learn more about WeCreate!, her consultancy at

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